Do you have a hard time figuring out when to say yes and when to say no to an idea, opportunity or next step in your life?
Saying, "no" and being paralyzed by analysis.... analysis paralysis... keeps you stuck.
When you're stuck, you're not living your purpose, you're not growing, and you're not moving forward in a meaningful way.
If you say yes to too many opportunities or next steps, then you are also stuck because you are just treading water.
So where's the fine line between the "yes" and the "no"?
Failure is saying no to the right opportunities and yes to the wrong opportunities.
Success comes when you say yes to the right opportunities and no to the wrong ones.
But how can you tell the difference?
Yesterday I sent out a message about Fear vs. Intuition, and it went crazy viral.
That feedback was amazing.
This morning, I read the following question from Jens that asked me to go deeper on a certain part of the message.
"Hi, Mastin! I like the content concerning fear vs. intuition. At the same time: Could you cut the crucial question into two or three pieces, pls!? Thank you! Jens."
Here's the part Jens asked about:
"Is this a heart-centered and intuitive, "YES," but also scary?” You’ll feel the answer. You won’t know it."
Jens, I hear you.
Let me go deeper and break this down into a few pieces.
#1 - Define
We must first define what "right" and "wrong" situations are.
A "right" opportunity is any situation that allows you to learn, to grow and to improve the quality your life.
A "wrong" opportunity is any situation that prevents you from learning, growing and makes a net negative on your life.
The major difference between "right" and "wrong" is your personal filter of life.
"What does this mean?"
The answer to this question will reveal your "filter".
Life has the meaning that we give it. Successful people know how to use any situation to learn, grow and improve their lives.
To find a meaning that moves them forward.
This doesn't mean it will always be pleasant, at least not in the short term.
And it doesn't mean you accept making the same mistake over and over again.
You've got to learn from mistakes and improve your approach.
The "right" decision requires discipline, faith, implementation, courage... and most importantly, patience (especially with yourself).
You can't know what you don't know.
So, you've got to see your whole life as an experiment.
Take courageous imperfect action and see what happens.
Once you make an attempt, measure the result and keep learning.
If you don't learn from your mistakes... well that is what Einstein defines as "insanity".
Doing the same thing over and over again, but thinking something different is going to happen.
Each step of the way, you will have new insights, new learnings and be even clearer on your path. Do not move forward without taking a moment to learn about what outcomes your action has brought you.
Take time once a week to ask:
1. What did I do since last week?
2. What got in the way of my progress?
3. What can be improved?
4. What did I learn?
5. How will I apply this lesson starting now?
If you check in like this regularly, you can stop failure before it starts.
You must delineate between actual fear and Survival Pattern™ fear.
Remember, Survival Patterns™ are unconscious (or hidden) fears.
Meaning, they are blindspots. You don't know you have them. They feel familiar in the body. There is a contraction. Blood pressure increases. Tension is there. Adrenaline flows. You can feel like life is threatening you.
Survival Patterns™ are mostly wrong. They think that if you make a decision to live your purpose, to take a risk, that you'll die.
But, nothing could be further from the truth.
SP's keep you safe, but they also prevent you from taking the necessary risks you need to take to become who you're meant to be.
So, you must figure out, is this a Survival Pattern™? Or is this a legitimate fear?
Legit fears are ones like... "Hey, the building is burning down, I should run out of here, now!"
Or, "If I go down that alley way towards that person with a gun, I might get hurt... maybe let's not do that..."
SP's are just automatic responses to uncertainty that are keeping you stuck. 99% of fear is a Survival Pattern™.
Your job is to call it's bluff and to move forward boldly.
You will never know for sure if you're SP is full of B.S. until you make a decision. Make it a habit of calling B.S. on your Survival Patterns™ on a daily basis.
Assume that your faith will pay off and be detached from "how" it will pay off.
If you feel, in your heart (typically an opening/pulling sensation in your chest and/or solar plexus) that the decision you are about to make it correct - that is important information. However, at the same time... that feeling will produce fear in your body.
Following your intuition creates more fear responses in the body.
That's just 'cuz you are doing something new.
So, you can feel free to pop into a Kundalini Yoga class and just... chill.
Most likely, it's not legit fear. Just Survival Pattern™ fear.
And, if it's SP fear.... who cares?
You want to follow your heart - literally - with your decisions that you make.
This is why I get still and feel my heart before I make a big decision.
The wonderful Oprah Winfrey was asked recently how to make decisions, her answer?
It's something that you feel. Something that your gut "knows" is right, but the Survival Mind will try to justify and overthink.
Kill your 5, or 10 year plan and just focus on the next 30 days.
What can you do in 30 days to produce a result?
Bring your attention to the present moment. Get still, listen and trust that heart-centered yes.
And, you can even change the meaning of the fear you feel.
Instead of anxiety.... trying calling it...
You've got this Jens. I'm proud of you. Thank you for asking such a great question.
My greatest wish for you is to be obedient to your intuition, to trust it with your actions and to keep a steadfast mindset that all is happening FOR you and not TO you.
Act. Learn. Improve. Repeat.
Don't wait... go for it!
Remember to get out there, take action and make it real!
Mastin Kipp is a number one best-selling author, speaker and Creator of Functional Life Coaching™ for people who are seeking rapid transformation in their lives. He has been featured on the Emmy Award show, Super Soul Sunday, and recognized as a “thought leader for the next generation” by Oprah Winfrey.